How Dogs and Men are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both are threatened by their own kind. Both mark their territory. Both are bad at asking you questions. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. Neither does any dishes. Both pass gas shamelessly. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. Both like dominance games. Both are suspicious of the postman. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs are Better than Men Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you're gone. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. Dogs don't criticize your friends. Dogs don't brag about past relationships. Dogs admit when they're jealous. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Dogs don't care if you put your makeup on or not. Dogs don't care if you have lipstick on when you kiss them. Dogs don't mind Morning breath. Dogs love you without your morning shower. Dogs are satisfied with a belly rub. Dogs do not play games with you--except Frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw). Dogs are content just being with you, no matter how gushy the movie you are watching is. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. You can train a dog. Dogs don't want to bring their friends home for a beer. Dogs don't complain about the amount of money spent on clothes. Dogs are LOYAL and FAITHFUL. Dogs don't nag or manipulate with guilt trips! Dogs are easy to buy for. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. Good looking dogs don't know they are good looking. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) You can train a dog not to make a mess in the house. Dogs understand what no means. Dogs know when to leave women alone. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. Dogs do not critize your driving. Dogs admit it when they're lost. Dogs are color blind. Dogs don't tell the punch lines on your jokes. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. You can neuter dogs legally! Dogs are one of the last forms of unconditional love left in the world.

Where Dogs Fall Short

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men can do math stuff.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
And the number one reason dogs fall short...
It's more fun to dry off a wet man!