Quotes to Ponder

Says one humorist: "Life is unfair. I lost my car keys at a ball game and never found them. I lost my sunglasses at the beach and never found them. I lost my socks in the washing machine and never found them. I lost three pounds on a diet -- I found them and five more."

I was once given the following advice by a secretary: "It's better to remain silent and be thought stupid than to open your mouth and forever remove all doubt."

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill at a party, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea." To which Churchill retorted, "And Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"

Mark Twain warned, "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

Billionaire J. P. Getty was once asked the secret of his success. Said Getty, "Some people find oil. Others don't."

During the children's sermon the Pastor asked, "What is gray, has a bushy tail and gathers nuts in the fall?" One five year old raised his hand. "I know the answer should be Jesus," he stated, "but it sounds like a squirrel to me."