Loads of blonde Jokes
Q. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners.
A. So men can understand them.
(I think we can safely conclude that a blonde wrote this one!)
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Crazy... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge!
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
she did with her cigarette.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier..."
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues Under the sea"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: Why do Blondes like the GST?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blondes' favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: There was a blonde and a brunette who were about to commit suicide.
They both jumped off a tall building, and a couple of seconds later,
the brunette hit the pavement, but not the blonde. What happened to her?
A: She got lost.
Q: Someone asked if a blonde believed in smoking.
A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!
Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went? It finally dawned on here.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles,
she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor
came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox.
She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and
again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again.
She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, Is something wrong?
She replied, There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic genie's lamp
he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said,
"I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I
wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blonde said
"I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face!"
