Lots of Real Sarcastic Remarks

1. This isn't an office.
It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

2. I started out with nothing &
still have most of it left.

3. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

4. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

5. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

6. You!... Off my planet!

7. If I want to hear the pitter patter of
little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

11. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

12. Allow me to introduce my selves.

13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

14. Suburbia: where they tear out the
trees & then name streets after them.

15. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

16. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

17. Are those your eyeballs?
I found them in my cleavage.

18. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

19. Did I mention the kick in the
groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

20. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

21. A woman's favorite position is CEO.

22. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

23. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

24. Stress is when you wake up screaming &
you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

25. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

26. I thought I wanted a career,
turns out I just wanted paychecks.

27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

28. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

29. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

30. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

31. I plead contemporary insanity.

32. And which dwarf are you?

33. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

34. Meandering to a different drummer.

35. I majored in liberal arts.
Will that be for here or to go?